i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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