shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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