u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I FOUND THE LEGS
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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