sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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