Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Randomize
