it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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