dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
