is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
