I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
