I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
