Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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