I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the day after is always just damage control
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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