The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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