i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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