I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
