I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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