Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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