Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
