I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
