dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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