I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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