life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
