he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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