I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
