If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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