I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
