dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
