Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
