after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
