He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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