Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
