This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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