I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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