He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
