Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
