I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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