She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
