Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
