I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was like eating out sand paper
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
