I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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