He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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