your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
