Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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