i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
