Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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