yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
