Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
