First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
