i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
