You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
