That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
