I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I want to fling myself into the sun
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
