God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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