I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
