I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
