took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
