If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
