I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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