Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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