It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
God gave him joint rollers for hands
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
