I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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