he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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