I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
