life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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