Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
