i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
