I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
