It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
