He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it because I queefed?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
