Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we're making bets on your personal life
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
