the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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