...so i touched it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
