sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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