Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
