too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
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Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize