no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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