one word: firstdatebathroomanal
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
