I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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