so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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