My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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