Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
